Well there I was with my wheelbarrow of enormous fish, and this mermaid lady just got all up in my face out of nowhere, and I was like, “aren’t you supposed to be seducing me or something, isn’t that what mermaids do,” and she was like, “nah, I just sit on this rock and talk shit all day.” Then she waggled her finger and made a rude gesture and even though I’m just a regular joe with a wheelbarrow of enormous fish, I thought it was pretty out of line.
??????? is it 2014 or fuckung 1414? does the book have to be handscribed by monks and put on a ship from europe to come to the americas? does a courier have to wait for the spring thaw to navigate the treacherous rivers and roads to my city? did i order this on my laptop or did i just chip my credit card details into a stone block and throw it down the mountain? am i even going to be able to turn the pages or has our species not yet crawled out of the goddamn oceans and evolved opposable thumbs??????????